No matter how involved or engaged we are in our kids’ lives, we always ask ourselves “Am I doing a good job as a parent?”, “Do my kids know how much I love and care about them?” “Are they going to grow up as kind human beings?” Being a parent is not easy. Sometimes we need to reset and ask ourselves these questions. Here are some tips for how to be a better parent for kids of any age.
1. Be Kind
This is very broad, but it all comes down to being a role model. Be the person you want your kids to be. Kids learn by watching those around them. We’ve all heard the funny stories of kids copying swear words they’ve heard, but that’s just the reality of it. Kids copy everything they see and hear because they are learning how to say and do things. When kids are learning how to use language and expression (which they continue to learn throughout their childhood), they need to repeat words and phrases that they hear around them. If you use kind phrases around your child, you will hear them do the same. Just the other day, I was reading a book to my two-year-old before her naptime. She turned the page of the book and noticed that my finger was caught between the pages. When she saw this, she said “You okay, mama?” This melted my heart because I knew she had heard me use this language before. I replied, “Yes, thank you for asking”.
2. Don’t Compare Your Child to other children
Every child is unique. Children learn things at their own pace. Sometimes they need extra help learning skills, and that’s okay. It’s okay to know what other children around your child’s age are able to do, but it’s important to remember to keep a very open mind. Your child may not be speaking as much as their peers, but it’s possible that their speech completely blossoms at a later age. Just remember to tailor to where your child is developmentally, not to what they should be doing. Avoid saying things like “You’re five, you should know how to tie your shoes”. Instead, say “Let’s practice tying your shoes”.
3. Listen
Kids sometimes talk in circles, they might stutter to find the right words, or just talk non-stop. In our everyday fast-paced world, we might have the urge to finish sentences for them or ask them to talk faster and get to the point. Try to fight these urges and just listen. Kids have a lot to say and even though it might not seem important to you, to them it’s everything. Be a positive role model and maintain eye contact when they are talking to you. This teaches them to do the same when they are listening to someone else. No matter how old or young your child is, they will always need you to listen to them.
4. be patient
This is an important one. As a mom to a six-month-old and a two-year-old, this is something that I constantly remind myself to do. When my two-year-old takes what seems like forever to step over that tricky threshold between the basement door and garage when we are running late, I stay quiet and give her the time she needs. She’s not stalling – she’s thinking and assessing how to step over the tricky metal doorstep, even though in my head I’m shouting “Hurry! we’re going to be late!” I don’t. Those words would only frustrate her. Patience is what will get us out the door the fastest. With practice, my toddler will learn to step over the threshold and the process of leaving the house will get easier.
5. be flexible
As a parent, it’s best to find a happy medium between being firm and flexible. Kids thrive when they have a predictable routine, but a lot of times life isn’t perfect and things don’t go as planned. This is when being flexible helps your child adapt to unforeseen circumstances. I find myself saying things like, “That’s okay. We can do things a little differently today” or “That was unexpected. Let’s do this instead”. It’s okay for them to see that you, too, are caught off-guard by surprises and that we can reevaluate and do things differently if needed.
6. have conversations
Don’t just listen to what your kids have to say, but ask them questions. This will also teach them how to have a back-and-forth conversation. You can make your conversations more valuable by asking a question like “How did you feel about that?”. I grew up having family dinners and this is something that my husband and I consider to be very important. It’s (usually) uninterrupted time for your family to share stories, thoughts, or feelings at the end of the day. It’s during these conversations that I ask my two-year-old how her day was. I’ll ask her questions like “What did we do this morning?” or “What’s one fun thing we did today?” These are seemingly simple questions for us, but they teach her to reflect on her day and then be able to tell me about it.
7. acknowledge their feelings
This is something that I value a lot as a parent. It irritates me when I hear other parents say things like “Don’t cry” or “You’re fine”. The reality is that if your child is crying or whining, they are not okay. Even if they are just looking for your attention, they still have a reason for it. Maybe they aren’t using the appropriate reaction to a feeling, but this is a skill we need to teach them. When your child cries, try to find out why they are crying and help them vocalize their feelings to you. This will also help them better understand their feelings. We need to be sympathetic because they are still learning how to navigate their emotions. Emotions are complex and dealing with them takes lots of practice – even adults need help with this! Saying things like “Don’t be scared” to a child is useless. They are scared. And that’s okay. It’s up to us to dig deeper and ask them why. Having a conversation about a feeling is going to help them better understand it and eventually be able to regulate it.
8. remember to have fun
Life is hectic, busy, and sometimes unfair. Try to take a step back and enjoy it. Laugh at the crazy moments, play that extra song, and put your family before the household chores because life is too short. When you are feeling run down by the daily routines, remind yourself that it won’t be like this forever. You’re kids are growing up every day and these seemingly mundane moments of life will change before you realize it – so enjoy them as much as you can and have fun. Be silly, be funny, and make your kids laugh.
