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When you are a parent, you constantly feel like people are judging you for doing things a certain way or questioning your every move. Potty training is no different. The truth is, when and how you decide to potty train your child is completely up to you. You know your child the best and you’ll know when to start, so try not to worry about what anyone else thinks. I’m writing this post and telling you to wait, but I’m not referring to waiting until a specific age. I’m telling you to wait until your child is ready and not rush this important milestone.
The mistake we made
We tried to potty train our firstborn too early. She was 18 months old (but her age doesn’t matter – it was just too early for her). I would read all the articles about the signs your toddler is ready to potty train and we thought she matched the descriptions. Potty training at 18 months is a little early, but we thought we were doing the right thing based on our research. I was also 8 months pregnant at the time, so we figured we’d try to tackle this milestone before our lives changed again.
I wouldn’t say I regret our first attempt at potty training. We learned from it and my daughter didn’t struggle throughout the process (nor will she remember it). Another reason we tried to potty train her at this time was the fact that people would tell me that their own kids were potty trained around her age. People would also comment “She’s telling you she is pooping. She must be ready to be potty trained”. I know these comments were simply comments and people weren’t trying to tell me what to do, but along with constantly feeling as though you are being judged, parenting also comes with constantly asking yourself if you are doing the right thing. So we gave it a try.
She obviously wasn’t ready because I’m sitting here writing this post telling you to wait. Don’t make the same mistake we did and rush into something because of what others say. It doesn’t matter what age your neighbor’s sister-in-law’s niece was potty trained (that’s an exaggeration, but you get the point).
When to potty train
So how do you know when to potty train? The night before we started potty training (the second time) my husband and I were desperately Googling the signs that toddlers are ready to potty train all over again. The truth is that we still had some doubts. Our daughter was 2 years old (26 months old to be exact – but remember, this does not matter) and we didn’t want to put her through any emotional trauma.
Honestly, I knew it was time because I just knew. I had a feeling. Telling you this might not help you at the moment, but maybe that’s because your child isn’t ready and you don’t yet have this feeling. Even though I was nervous about going through with it, I had a feeling that she would succeed. Having already tried it once, we also knew what we wanted to do differently or keep the same (you can read more about how we potty trained our daughter successfully in my blog post “How to Potty Train Using the 3-Day Potty Training Method“).
The benefits of waiting
There are many benefits of waiting to potty train your child. Mentally, they are able to understand what they are learning to do and why. My daughter told me that the white toilet is “mama and dada’s” and the blue toilet is hers (I got her this Summer Learn-To-Go potty and we had this Baby Björn potty that a friend had given us).
Related: How to Potty Train Using the 3-Day Potty Training Method
My daughter was also able to understand that if she used the toilet, she would get a mini Reese’s (this was part of our incentive method). At the end of the first day of potty training, she was also able to distinguish between having to go to the toilet “soon” and “now” – and she was able to tell me this. These are tough concepts to learn and understand! My daughter would not have been able to make these connections at a younger age.
Physically, my daughter was able to pull her own pants and underwear down, as well as sit on her own toilet independently. On the 4th day of potty training, I heard her voice from the bathroom “I did it, mama!” I found her sitting on her toilet with her underwear and shorts at her ankles. This was the first day she had even put underwear on (we had her go bottomless).
Not only was she physically able to do all these things on her own, but she also started asking to wipe herself on this 4th day. She even ran to the bathroom when she needed to. These mental and physical skills helped her be successful.
Lastly, after every successful trip to the toilet, my daughter and I would jump up and down to celebrate. She understood why we were celebrating and I could see the joy and excitement in her face. When she sat on the toilet, we would look at each other and wait in silence for the sound of those drops (I apologize if this is too much detail, but you are reading about potty training, after all). Her face would completely light up as soon as we heard the sound and it made me so happy to see that she was proud of herself. She would not have been able to truly feel this had we fully trained her sooner.
My second daughter is only 7 months old right now, and I am glad that I get to use what I learned with my first daughter with her. Potty training will not hang over me like a heavy cloud on her second birthday, because the truth is, I will just do it when I feel she is ready. No need to put an age on it. If that feeling comes before she turns 2 – great! If it comes before she turns 4 – great! We’ll just see what road she takes.
The bottom line
You can use your child’s age as a guideline for when you think you want to start the potty training adventure but leave it at that. It’s simply a guideline. It doesn’t mean that you have to start stressing about the idea of potty training on your child’s 2nd birthday (that’s when most people start asking you about your plans).
The time will come. It’s as simple as that. Yes, you can try to plan around holidays or vacations, but you absolutely don’t need to justify your reasoning for waiting or for trying sooner than the norm.
Lastly, try not to let what others say get to your head. People will always share when their own children were potty trained, and that’s fine. Don’t feel like your child has to do the same. There’s no rush. You will know when they are ready and there is absolutely no shame in waiting. We’re certainly glad we did. 🙌
Related: How to Potty Train Using the 3-Day Potty Training Method
