Marriage is an ongoing journey. You learn how to navigate challenges and together, you learn how to continue to be supportive of each other.
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Having kids may require you and your partner to make some changes to the way you communicate or work together. Not only may you have differences in opinion, but you may find yourself overwhelmed and overtired. Unfortunately, our partners are the ones we take out our emotions on most often.
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One thing I am still working on in my marriage is taking a step back. There are times when my husband will be the one who steps in when there is a sibling disagreement, when our kids are struggling with their emotions, or when they are not listening. When he becomes involved in the situation, I try my best to remove myself for both him and our kids.
Having two adults disciplining at once is overwhelming. There are sometimes exceptions, but for the most part, we try to keep teaching moments as calm as we can by having only one of us lead.
There are times when our kids will run to the opposite parent when they are being told to do something they don’t want to. In this case, we try to remain neutral. If our kids seek comfort, we always provide that, but we also try to provide them with the communication tools to direct that comfort to the parent who is doing the teaching.
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I don’t always agree with the way my husband handles every situation and I’m sure my husband doesn’t always agree with the way I handle things. This is when we have to support each other by taking a step back. As long as everyone is safe, we allow each other to follow through with the requests we have given our kids.
Sometimes our patience runs thin and these are the times we try to offer each other help. We may gently say “I can step in if you need a break” and respect each other if the answer is “No”.
This is not always easy, but the most important thing is to respect and support your partner in these moments. Even if you don’t agree with what they are saying or doing, as long as everyone is safe, let it be. Although it’s not always possible, you can address the situation afterward in private, but questioning or disagreeing with your partner in front of the kids may show that you aren’t part of a team. There will be times when your partner may also have regrets about how they handled a situation, and that’s okay.
There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t learn something about parenting. Every child is very different and every day brings on new experiences and feelings. This applies to parents, as well.
At the end of the day, my husband and I try our best to support each other’s parenting habits. We learn from every interaction with our kids and we learn from each other. Take a step back for your partner, but also be prepared to step in if they need you to sub in. Afterall, they are your teammate for life.
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