The best compliment someone ever gave me about my marriage was that it was refreshing to see my husband and I work together and ask each other’s opinions when making decisions.
We had family over one afternoon, and our 5-month-old, at the time, was having trouble at bedtime. Instead of complaining about how she wasn’t falling asleep, my husband and I talked about whether we should give her a couple of minutes to try to fall asleep on her own or whether one of us should intervene.
Speaking honestly, this is usually how we try to communicate in our marriage. I let my husband know what I think we should do in a particular situation or the way I’m feeling about something, and then ask him what he thinks, and vice versa. If we don’t agree, one of us makes a compromise.
Making a compromise isn’t easy. You both have to be willing to see the other person’s side of things and respect how they feel enough to put your own feelings aside.
I’m not saying to be a pushover. If you feel strongly about something, by all means, voice your concerns with your partner. But eventually, one of you will have to compromise, and occasionally, you will both have to meet halfway.
Marriage is being part of a team.
It’s not about keeping score or saying, “I cleaned the bathroom last time so it’s your turn” – I did this so you do that.
It’s about working together.
If taking turns doing chores or running errands works for your marriage, then that’s great. But it’s important to reach that decision together.
My husband and I have chores and tasks that we share and some that we have taken responsibility for on our own. For example, my husband takes the trash out on Sunday nights, but if it needs to be taken out during the week, I will do it. I’m typically the one who does the laundry, but if there’s a clean pile of laundry on our bed, my husband will fold it. It’s about teamwork and sharing the responsibilities.
It can sometimes be challenging if one person in the marriage feels like they’re doing more than the other. The truth is, there are times when this will happen. But fairness isn’t equal. There will be times when one person in the relationship gives a little more, and that’s okay – you will go through phases.
Remember, it’s not about keeping score. As long as you are both appreciative of one another and actively work to contribute to the relationship and everyday responsibilities, this is what matters.
A big part of teamwork is trust. Without this, it’s almost impossible to work together. You have to learn to have faith in your partner’s intentions and know that they are just as much “in this” as you are.
Once there is trust, other qualities that are essential for a marriage fall into place – safety, communication, and teamwork.
It’s easy to set your spouse aside when there are life-changing events or when you fall into your daily routine. But remember, your spouse will be with you forever. Kids will move out, jobs will come and go, and your life will slow down one day. Then, it will be you and your partner once again. Don’t break that special connection you both have only to have to rebuild it years later – enjoy every step of your journey together.
After all, it’s much more fun with your teammate by your side.
