We’ve all been there. It’s 1 am and your argument is going in circles. You’ve both brought up things that you’ve done in the past that seem relevant (but aren’t really). And you’ve both said things that you’ve regretted as the words were coming out of your mouth. The “Oh boy, that’s not how I really feel but I’m going to own it and say it anyway” statements.
This is when the heated conversation needs to be put on hold.
That doesn’t mean that it needs to be ignored and set aside forever because, let’s face it, you’ll be sure to bring it up the next time you end up in an endless argument.
One of the pieces of advice I got after getting married was “Never go to bed angry”. Huh. Well, that hasn’t always worked. And quite frankly, I don’t agree with it.
When my husband and I have agreed that we have been talking in circles and quite frankly, nonsense, for the past hour(s), we decide to table it. It’s not always easy to stop and leave it for tomorrow. Sometimes you can both decide to put a pause on it, but other times you just need to compromise.
Yes, you might have way more to add to this ridiculous argument, or maybe you still feel like your partner doesn’t understand the point you have been trying to make. Nevertheless, it’s time to stop. You’re only digging yourselves into a deeper hole and you’ll just end up feeling awful with each other.
Deciding when to end your conversation (for the time being) shows that you and your partner can be on the same page. You can both see and accept that your conversation is not constructive and that you won’t resolve anything if you continue. Sometimes you just need a fresh mind to get the most out of what you are trying to communicate.
We all know that we aren’t the best version of ourselves when we’re tired. We’re cranky, impatient, and short-tempered. Tabling your argument and going to bed can help you gain an understanding of what your partner was trying to get at the night before. It can also help you gather your thoughts so you can communicate your feelings in a much more productive and effective way.
Going to bed angry is not giving up. It’s realizing that you need a breather and allowing yourselves to revisit the issue the next day. Yes, you may wake up still angry, but chances are, you’ll both be ready to talk again and this time, you’ll get somewhere.
So, give yourselves a breather. Hit the pause button. Go to bed angry. You’ll communicate more effectively the next day.
Related: “How to Plan Fun Surprise Dates (20 New Ideas)“
