Congratulations! You’re expecting another baby and your toddler will soon have a new sibling!
I found out I was pregnant with my second baby a month before my toddler’s first birthday. I was thrilled that she would become a big sister in 9 months, but I was also nervous about the transition. My toddler was (and still is) very attached to her mama, and the attention had always been on her (she was also the first and only grandchild).
Here are some things I did to help prepare her for this new chapter:
When I told my toddler
I waited until after we told our family and friends to tell my daughter about the new baby. My toddler was only a year old, and I don’t think she would have understood. I waited until my belly started showing a little and my toddler started showing signs of understanding more language. I chose a quiet time where it was just the two of us and my husband to briefly and simply explain that there was a baby in my belly. I left it at that. I made it sound exciting, but I also didn’t spend hours and hours talking about it. As the months went by, we told her what her sister’s name would be and practiced saying it.
Teach your toddler about babies
My toddler had a baby doll that was gifted to her before she was born. I brought out this doll and gave it to my daughter a few months before my due date. When I introduced this doll to her, I handled her gently, stroked her cheek, and gave her a soft hug. I was showing her the correct way to handle a baby.
My toddler’s doll had a bottle and a pacifier and I showed her how to use these. One day, my toddler even told me that her doll had gone to the bathroom and that she needed a new diaper. I gave her a newborn diaper and taught her how to wipe the doll and put it on. My toddler was elated and very carefully picked up her doll, held her over her shoulder, and walked away with her saying “Okay, baby” while patting her on the back.
We also read books to my toddler about being a sibling. She still asks us to read them to her (my baby is 7 months old). Some of our favorites are “I Am a Big Sister“, “A Celebration of Sisters“, and “Little Miss, Big Sis“.
Keep the conversations positive
My toddler had not been around a lot of babies, so I showed her how to safely handle a baby using her doll. I kept my language simple and positive by saying things like “We hold a baby’s hand gently” and “I’m going to put the baby down carefully”. I avoided negative comments like “We don’t hold the baby by her head” and instead practiced picking up her baby correctly. Something I wanted to avoid doing from the beginning was nagging my toddler. If she heard “Be gentle” and “Be careful” a million times when she was around the baby, those words would eventually lose their meaning.
I did have simple conversations with my toddler about how the baby would cry. I explained that the baby won’t be able to talk and that she’ll cry when she is hungry, sad, or when her belly hurts. To this day, my toddler will sometimes ask “Oh, her belly hurts?” when she hears her sister crying. This is exactly what I want to hear in these situations – my daughter having empathy for her sister. After the baby was born, I did my best not to sigh when she cried or act in a negative way. I treated the crying or fussiness lightly and always used positive language like “Oh, I wonder why she is crying. Let’s see if we can help her” or “Don’t worry, we’ll change your diaper quickly and then I’ll give you a hug”. These things may sound silly to say to a newborn, but I was teaching my toddler to stay calm in these situations and to help the baby. In all honesty, these reassurances helped me, too.
Promote independence
My toddler was 19 months old when my baby was born. Every child develops at their own pace, but my daughter was starting to climb up on the couch, as well as up and down stairs. I took this opportunity to teach her how to do these things safely so she would be more independent when the baby arrived. Now, if I need to go up or downstairs with both my baby and my toddler, I can hold my baby in one arm and hold my toddler’s hand with the other. Having my toddler be able to get on and off the couch on her own was extremely helpful when I was nursing the baby. As soon as she saw me sit down to nurse, she would grab a book and bring it onto the couch for us to read while the baby ate.
My toddler went through phases where she would play independently and others where she only wanted my full attention. I encouraged her to practice playing independently by setting her up with a space with activities she could do on her own. I was always close by so she felt my company while also doing her own thing. Independence will be a good skill for your toddler to practice when you have to start dividing your attention with their new sibling.
I also took this opportunity to focus more on teaching my toddler how to dress and undress herself. Even though she still needed help when the baby arrived, it gave me a couple of extra minutes when I asked her to take off her socks or jacket.
Involve your toddler
I showed my toddler how tiny the baby’s diapers were. We practiced putting on little newborn socks on her own doll. We also put the baby’s bassinet in our room early on so my toddler would grow accustomed to seeing it. She eventually started putting her doll in it for naps and would even turn on the sound machine for her as she sang our goodnight song.
I showed my toddler the baby’s bottles and explained to her that she would only be able to drink milk. When nursing the baby, I would ask my toddler if she could bring me a burp cloth (I kept these within her reach for this purpose), and when I finished giving the baby a bottle, my toddler would bring it to the sink (she literally chucked it in there). If I noticed my toddler was getting antsy while I was tending to the baby, I would ask if her doll also needed a diaper change or to be burped. Eventually, she would go get her doll on her own and burp her while I burped the baby. There were so many times when my daughter moved her doll’s legs around in order to “help her poop” – it was hilarious and adorable.
Make any changes for your toddler way before the baby’s arrival or wait until after
We wanted to move our toddler out of the nursery and into a bigger room. We made this change way before the baby’s arrival so she didn’t make any associations with it. Even so, the baby slept in our room for the first 5 months before we moved her to the nursery. I had my toddler spend the day at her Iaia’s house, and I quickly got her new room decorated and ready. We explored her new room together and she was thrilled to see she had a brand new bookcase with all her books. I chose not to tell her that her old room was for the baby. The baby wouldn’t be in there for a while, and I didn’t want to make my toddler feel as though she had to “move out”. Over time, I eventually started calling it her sister’s room.
Have patience – your toddler is still learning
If you have 2 under 2, you have to remind yourself that your toddler is still essentially a baby. They’re still learning to control their bodies and you won’t be able to leave them alone with the baby for quite some time, and that’s okay. If my toddler went up to the baby while she was on her mat, I would stop what I was doing and join the two of them. I didn’t want to discourage my toddler from spending time with the baby (she was also discovering and getting to know the baby). Shield the baby when your toddler is near them, but avoid nagging them and repeating “Be careful” or “Watch your leg”. It’s okay to say those things every now and then, but try saying “I notice you’re close to the baby’s head. Let’s move back a little”. This will teach your toddler to notice their surroundings and eventually be able to notice these things on their own.
Spend quality time with your toddler
No matter what number baby this is for you, the fact of the matter is that your alone time with your firstborn or other babies is coming to an end. Spend time with your toddler(s) and make memories. I still remember the last outing we did as a family of 3. We didn’t know it at the time, but my baby was born 2 days after this outing. The 3 of us sat outside and my toddler was giving my big pregnant belly extra love. She was snuggling and patting it. This is a memory I will always have. ❤️❤️
Remember
Welcoming a new baby to the family comes with a whirlwind of emotions and feelings – it’s exciting, exhausting, and exhilarating all at once. No matter how many new babies you have welcomed or plan on welcoming, each experience will be unique. Whether your children are toddlers or teenagers, keep in mind that they are also going through various different feelings throughout this new chapter in their lives. Have grace and patience with them and don’t forget to spend quality time with each of them, while also creating memories all together. There’s nothing better than seeing your littles interact with your not-so-littles, so enjoy every minute.
