Sleep training can be a controversial subject. I’m not here to tell you that you have to sleep train, or that it’s the best thing for your baby because quite frankly, I don’t know your baby. You’re the one who knows your baby the best and only you can decide what’s best for them.
I’m writing this blog post because sleep training helped our babies tremendously – especially our firstborn. And if there is anyone who could benefit from doing the same thing we did, then I’m happy to help.
We used the Ferber method. After researching all the different recommended methods, my husband and I most agreed with the Ferber method because although it allows you to check in on the baby, it also challenges the baby a little by giving them some wait time. Let me explain.
What are the rules for the Ferber method?
The first step is to already have a bedtime routine set in place for your baby. I talk about the importance of bedtime routines in my blog post “How to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night (5 Ways)“. You then put your baby in their crib while they are still awake, say goodnight, and then leave the room. If your baby cries, Ferber suggests waiting 3 minutes (for the first night) before reentering the room to soothe them. Soothing them does not mean picking them up or feeding them. Instead, you can gently pat your baby or rub their face or head. I always think of these check-ins as letting your baby know that you are there and that they are safe. Keep these check-ins brief and quiet – about a minute or two.
After soothing your baby, you then leave the room again. If the baby starts crying again, Ferber suggests waiting 5 minutes this time. If the baby is still crying after 5 minutes, you can reenter the room again and soothe the baby in the same way, and then leave again. If the baby continues to cry, you then wait 10 minutes before reentering and soothing. On this first day, any subsequent check-ins occur every 10 minutes. The idea is that the baby will eventually understand that they will not be picked up if they cry, but that you are close by.
It’s important to note here that you should only be “Ferberizing” if your baby has been well-fed and has been changed before bedtime. If your baby has soiled their diaper, by all means, change it. If the baby has spit up or if they have wet their pajamas, you can certainly tend to their needs. Sleep training is for teaching the baby to fall asleep on their own and self-soothe. They can only do this if all their needs have been met.
What are the time intervals?
Tips for success
Consistency. If you are sleep training your baby with a partner, or if someone else is putting your baby down for naps during the day, make sure you are on the same page. Avoid rocking your baby at all, or picking them up during check-ins. As hard as it may be to resist this urge, it will only confuse your baby and make the process harder for them.
The Ferber method provides you with time intervals for 7 days, but it does not necessarily take that long for your baby to learn how to self-soothe and fall asleep on their own. In my experience, you typically see improvements after just a couple of days.
Ferber recommends sleep training when your baby is between 4 and 6 months old. You can also do this when they are older, but it may be more difficult for them.
I recommend starting to sleep train during a long weekend (if you can give yourself even more time – that’s great!). My husband and I stayed home for the number of days it took our babies to sleep train so that they would have the consistency of sleeping in the same bed and so they could have our undivided attention. We also set a timer on our phones to track each check-in interval to make sure we were accurately following the schedule.
Why it worked for us
I’m not going to lie, with our firstborn, I spent most of the first day of sleep training crying outside her room. It was so hard for me to hear her crying and not respond. But my husband and I were on the same page and we comforted each other throughout the process. We knew our baby was safe and healthy, she just wanted us to be with her. And as much as we wanted the same, we knew that this process would only help her become more independent.
The second day of using the Ferber method was completely different than the first. I was totally taken aback by how my daughter was seemly all of a sudden able to fall asleep on her own. I kid you not – by the second day, my husband and I only did one or two check-ins for naps. Bedtime was a bit harder for our daughter, but by the third day, she only needed one check-in. The Ferber method worked wonders for our first baby. After sleep training her, putting our baby to bed was enjoyable because we would do our usual bedtime routine, place her in her crib, and then say goodnight. She was able to put herself to sleep independently. No rocking. No check-ins.
Do all babies need sleep training?
No. There are plenty of parents who choose not to sleep train their babies, and they are fine. I will say that although sleep training was extremely beneficial for our firstborn, we found that our secondborn didn’t quite need it. That being said, we did technically sleep-train her using the Ferber method. Because she was already such an independent sleeper, we really just followed days 1 and 2 of the Ferber method chart. That was all she needed to learn that she had to self-soothe.
To sum it up
As different as our two girls were as babies, the Ferber method helped them both. My husband and I stuck to the suggested time intervals and soothed our girls the way Ferber recommends – with gentle pats and head rubs. They are both still great sleepers, and I would sleep-train them the same way if we had to do it again.
Just remember – don’t feel pressured to do any type of sleep training if you don’t feel comfortable or don’t agree with it. There are so many different ways to do things, and there is no one right way. Do whatever you think is best for your baby. Whatever you choose to do will be the right thing for you and your baby. 💕
*The information and opinions in this post should not be taken as medical advice. Always consult your pediatrician when you have any questions or concerns about your child’s feeding, sleep patterns, awake windows, or anything regarding your child’s wellbeing.*
