I came across some research that stirred up a lot of emotions in me.
“Research findings suggest that when compared to stay-at-home moms:
- Children of working moms were found to have more education.
- Daughters of working moms are more likely to be employed, advance their careers, and have higher annual earnings.
- Sons of working moms were found to spend more time caring for their families.”
This was according to a Harvard Research Study that provides data from two cross-national social surveys of more than 100,000 men and women from 29 countries.1
The article that includes this research does a great job of validating both working and stay-at-home parents. The author recognizes that all parents work. But, the research suggests that kids with parents who work for pay may be more successful in the future.
This is mainly because they have an example to follow. They see their parents going to work every day and learn the value of their job and responsibilities. Kids with working parents (for pay) see how they juggle and balance their work and home duties.
As a mom who just left a full-time job, I initially felt guilty after reading this. Did I make a mistake choosing to leave my career behind to raise my kids? Are they now less likely to be successful in the future because of my decision?
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As I let this information sink in, I felt mad. I left my career because I wanted to raise my kids.
I then realized my own background: my mom decided to stay home with my sister and me shortly after my sister was born. I fit perfectly into the research that was making me mad.
But, I argue that I still had a model for someone who went to work every day for pay: my dad. I saw the sacrifices he made so that my mom could stay home with us.
I also saw how hard my mom worked. When I was old enough to understand, I saw the sacrifices she made, too. I saw the bittersweet way she talked about sketching and drawing when she taught me how to create my own clothing designs (she used to be a fashion designer who also taught). I saw the way she longed to pick up the pencil and show me all that she had learned over the years in her career.
I have never told my mom how proud I was and still am of her. I was always proud to tell my friends that my mom was a fashion designer. The fact that she no longer had that as a career did not matter one bit to me.
I learned responsibility, endurance, sacrifice, and perseverance from seeing my dad go to work every day, but I also learned those same qualities from my mom.
I don’t write this to make anyone feel guilty about choosing to work for pay or staying home. I write this because all kids can be successful no matter what their childhood looks like as long as they have positive role models and love.
The research I mentioned above suggests that kids with parents who work for pay are more likely to be more successful in their careers, but there’s more to life than this.
I may not be modeling a 9 to 5 for my kids, but I am modeling patience, kindness, and empathy, in addition to determination, self-advocacy, and hard work. These are some of the qualities that will make my kids successful when they enter their own careers.
I left my full-time job because I wanted to teach my kids in my own way and experience all the little moments. That doesn’t mean that my career is over. My kids will see me re-enter the career world and they will see the struggles and successes that come with this experience.
No matter what type of work you are doing, know that you are setting your kids up for success. Being a part of their life and receiving love is where it starts. Whether you are home or not, we are all doing what we think is best for our kids and family.
At the end of the day, that’s what it’s all about.
References
Team, N.Y.B.H. and Cuttita, N. (2022) Are stay-at-home moms better for our kids than working moms? – New York Behavioral Health, New York Behavioral Health – NYC Therapists & Psychologists. Available at: https://www.newyorkbehavioralhealth.com/are-stay-at-home-moms-better-for-our-kids-than-working-moms/#:~:text=According%20to%20a%20recent%20Harvard,stay%2Dat%2Dhome%20moms. (Accessed: 08 September 2023).
