Being a parent comes more naturally to some people, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that they know what to expect when they are suddenly in this new role. You can surround yourself with people with kids of all ages and who have had different experiences as parents, but your experience will always be different. You will feel things differently because every baby and child is different – and so are you.
These are some things I would have told myself before becoming a mother.
Everything is temporary.
The rough and tough parts of motherhood will not last forever. You will get through those less desirable phases and you will make it through those sleepless nights.
Beautiful moments are temporary, too. I won’t say that kids are only young for a short time because I know there will also be beautiful moments when my kids have grown. Embrace every one of these memorable moments and take them in. I’ve found that it’s so easy to forget each and every little moment you treasure, but I do know that the feeling you get from these moments won’t go away.
No matter how tough or beautiful, know that it is temporary. So, either way, make the most of it.
Related: Why I Now Find Value In Slowing Down
You can’t change the past, but you can change the future.
You can reflect and learn from the past, but it can’t be undone. It’s difficult to look back to things you would have done differently and accept them, but it’s much more effective to decide how you will make a change in the future.
You may have wished you had dealt with your child’s behavior differently, or you may have wished you had done more for yourself. Whatever regret you have, try not to burden yourself with guilt. Instead, make a plan to change the future.
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Don’t let your storm get your kids wet.
You exist as an individual who is separate from your kids, no matter how much they need you. This is difficult to remember when you feel like you’re being stretched thin. You’re allowed to feel whatever emotions you need to but don’t let those negative ones become a part of your kids’ emotions. Our adult feelings are so complicated and those little minds cannot handle much more than their own big feelings.
It’s okay for your kids to see that you feel big feelings, too, but don’t let that be the way they live their lives. They need your help and guidance with their own storms before they can help you with yours.
Your love is infinite.
You will love your kids no matter what. They may have just yelled at you out of frustration, but you will see past their words and actions. You will not hold grudges and you will not fault them. Instead, you will give them patience, grace, and always love.
This also applies to having more than one child. You don’t have to worry about whether you will love a subsequent child less than another. Think of love as being limitless – it grows endlessly.
Related: To All Parents, It’s All Because Of You
They only get one childhood. This applies to you, too.
Days come and go quickly and all the chaos and movement that comes with having kids can make the weeks feel like they are merging. Life is busy and hectic with playdates, extracurriculars, and family events. Even fitting in quiet “home days” can be challenging. But our kids only get one childhood. As adults, they will one day look back to the fond memories of their childhood, and you have the power to make it amazing.
I’ve started planning a weekly adventure for my girls and me because I felt like we had fallen into a monotonous routine. This adventure can be going on a hike on a new trail or taking a day trip to a new place. Whatever I plan, I know it will elicit new experiences and have the potential to create long-lasting memories.
The same applies to you. I’m constantly worried about looking back on my kids’ childhood and thinking that I could have done more with them. Selfishly, I want lots of different memories with them – from quiet, cozy days at home to action-packed outings. I want us to experience it all. Even if they are too young to remember, these moments shape our kids into who they will one day become.
You will learn to care less, but you will also care more than you ever have.
There’s a bright blue and red trampoline sitting in the middle of my neutral-toned living room. I’ve seen the teether that has been sitting on my husband’s nightstand for several days, yet I haven’t had a chance to put it back in its place since setting it down when my kids were arguing over it.
I’m someone who likes things to be in their perspective place. I’m teaching my kids that everything has a home, but I often find it challenging to keep up. I’ve learned to care less. As long as I am trying my best, I have learned to be forgiving with myself. If my body needs to sit after tucking the kids into bed at night, then I will sit. Everything else can wait until tomorrow.
I have also never cared about things as much as I have since becoming a mother. I care about the words that are said in front of my kids and I care about the type of people who are in my kids’ lives. I also care about their nutrition, sleep, and emotions. These are the things I now also worry about. Since becoming a mother, I have set so much of myself aside. Not by choice, but out of necessity. And these things that I care so much about now are vital to my kids’ wellbeing.
The takeaway
Becoming a mother has changed me more than I ever expected it would. I’ve never been so tired, stretched thin, or overstimulated, but I’ve never been happier. You can’t predict what path your motherhood will take, nor the experiences that will impact you along the way, but I will leave you with this: it’s a journey that’s worth every second.
